Women whose sense of self has been worn down, by definition must depend on others, which only serves to breed fear and violence. One woman is killed every hour for not bringing enough dowry to a husband. But dependency is still presented as a virtuous habit and independence as a bad characteristic.
Dependent women have no separate identity and are legitimate only as mothers, wives and daughters.
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Such women are trained to put duty over self — the suicide numbers are highest for housewives. The right to assemble is a right taken away by dictators. The cultural design of oppression is so clever, that it instils a habit of distrust and trains women to demean, dismiss and discount other women. The real genius of this system lies in the fact that oppression has been recast as a virtue. So erasure of self — the most treacherous human rights violation — hides in plain sight, sanctified by loving families, perfumed by our definitions of goodness.
And the private sphere, the family, remains impenetrable and untouchable. We have underestimated the power of culture in creating violence within our families. To reclaim our humanity we need a national conversation about what it means to be a good woman and a good man in India today.
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