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By Claire Schwartz — Published May 15, Barber, J. E[ast] view of the public square, or Green, in New Haven Con[necticut]. Published and sold by J. Barber and by the booksellers in New Haven.

Name: Kylen

My age: 30

Did anyone else try this one in high school?

On looking: friendship and the new haven green

Not at all. However, I do definitely want to hook up with you. Friends with Privileges: what a concept.

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You can exercise these freedoms only if you earn them. And how do you earn them? Well — By being hot.

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What we all learned in high school was that this concept sounds great but is bound to fail in practice. They always seemed to end up with the girl feeling unfulfilled, feeling like her superficial sham of a relationship was a superficial sham. All or nothing.

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Figuratively, this is the same as pulling out a pair of shears and chopping in half the credit card. Agreement void. College students. Young adults.

Elsewhere in this issue…

Some of us even have mustaches. We want soul mates. They were already engaged. The dowries were in place, the shotgun at the altar.

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The child in the womb. named Greg. A beautiful boy — — Greg. Who wants to date?

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Dating is completely besides the point. Pretty soon your flesh is going to start dying.

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I do, however, want to get with you. I decree it today: every friend of mine is now a friend with privileges. Go ahead and jump me.

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Tongue me at your discretion. Take, for instance, my roommate Matt.

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He has no privilege to my body, although his girlfriend does. So do every one of her suitemates, all hotties.

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But control yourselves, ladies. I have entitled you to this sacred privilege, and you must use it wisely. This is the window of time allotted to us in which we can and should, in strictly medical terms, rock the casbah. Put an ad in the paper.

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Hang a banner on Cross Campus. Get the message out.

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Tell the people, tell your friends:. All of my friends are friends with privileges am, Feb 08, Tweets by yaledailynews.

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