Maybe I was missing out on all the benefits masturbation could bring.
Andy’s magical masturbation experience
Maybe a quick self-love girls in the toilets could make me more creative, more efficient, and less full of despair and lethargy. So I decided to do an experiment: one week of masturbating at work, to see if it would make me a significantly improved person. And in the interests of equality and science, Giving head on her knees also recruited Andyone of our writers, our new agony uncle, and a person with a penis, to test out the technique too.
My plan is to choke my chicken once a day, on business premises, for a full working week, then write about wanking findings. Though first I should come clean. As a freelance writer, I divide my time between various poncy London offices and my Brighton living room. Today I start work at a stately Art Deco newspaper office in Kensington, pondering where might be best to slope off and bash one out.
Pulling your plonker in an open-plan setting presents several technical challenges, not least disposal of the evidence. Therefore I conclude the best way to successfully discharge my mission is office a bathroom.
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I snick the door shut and gingerly crack on. The second problem is even more intractable. I tend to favour lying down during the act of self-love on my right-hand side, biting a pillow since you ask. Thus I pass a cramped, frustrating eternity rebooting my cobwebbed spankbank, much as one might wrangle an ancient Nokia back to life for a final nostalgic game of Snake.
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